Boss needs GF guidelines

So the boss has gone for The Boss.

From reports on the east coast AFL chief Andrew Demetriou has once again shuffled through his pile of old 45s to select the pre-match distraction for this year's premiership decider.

Meatloaf hadn't had a hit since vinyl records were in vogue yet staggered around the MCG stage before last season's grand final. Much the same for Bruce Springsteen but his tunes were far classier when the AFL's master was listening to them on Countdown, the curtain-raiser to the league's ABC highlights show, The Winners, back in the early 1980s - before every home had a CD player.

You get the impression from Springsteen and how he likes to be portrayed as a working class man that if he were Australian he'd be a big football fan.

But he isn't. And that raises a key point about how we celebrate the biggest day of the football calendar.
What should be the golden rules for the activities at the MCG on that last Saturday in September (or first in October as we have had in past two years)?

We must never let the streamers and dancing schoolkids detract from the spectacle involving the 44 combatants but it is generally accepted that there is more to grand final day than just the game.

However, in the wake of Meatloaf's MCG meltdown five months ago we need to make sure that some guidelines are followed.


1. Only Julie Anthony to sing the national anthem.


2. Up There Cazaly to be the last song sung - by Mike Brady - before the national anthem.


3. Half-time sprint involving players from all teams to be revamped and held over 60m. Winner gets a meat tray donated to his junior club.


4. For every overseas headline act there has to be a gig for an Australian artist. Reality TV contestants to be banned from all stages. Foreign acts are prohibited from wearing any club merchandise in some faux show of support.


5. Coin toss to always be conducted by a member of Australia's returned armed forces.


6. Ron Barassi to bring the premiership cup to the ground each time. He has a few at home as a back-up if needed.


7. Channel 7 burns footage of 1991 grand final entertainment and no trace of "Bound for Glory" can ever be shown on another premiership day.


8. Play final of Foxtel Cup as curtain-raiser.


9. AFL Players Association to hand all retiring players their lifetime gold passes following the traditional lap of honour.


10. Players who don't shake hands of kids delivering the premiership medallions post-match should be fined 20 per cent of their match fee.